ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
