if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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