He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
