can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
