I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
