What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
