um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
