You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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