I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
