Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
