Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
