On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
