yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You ruined the universe
Randomize
