She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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