Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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