Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
