I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
