Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
