so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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