I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
