my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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