Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
