You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
