Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
