I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize