Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
