I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
