How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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