Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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