today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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