I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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