It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize