2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to fling myself into the sun
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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