Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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