a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
