glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
