it was like having sex with a tree stump
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
