I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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