i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
