i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
