Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
