I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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