He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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