He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
