So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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