I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
