Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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