do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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