if you like me you must not know who I am
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
