I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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