farters have to be the big spoon...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
