Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
