I'm going to jail i love you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
