Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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