i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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