look no pants
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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