i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
