Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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