Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
