WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
