i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
