My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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