I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
