i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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