I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
