Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize