he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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