So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
