Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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