Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
