Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
