dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
