I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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