using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
