The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
