Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
