The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
