sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
