Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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