____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When are your genitals available?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
