dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
