I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
third nipple confirmed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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