Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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