Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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