I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
