she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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