remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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