k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
