What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
