I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
