Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
