Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
