Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
