She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm really busy with my period
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