YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
