she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize