shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
