So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
