It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
