dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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