i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
