peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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