Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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