Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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