Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
