I think my fart just growled at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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