my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
