If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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