I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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